Mindiscovery - nlp, ss, poems, phrase ambiguities

Openers

Well, before you do anything, you have to approach! Approaching is probably one of the hardest and most sought after (and elusive) routines in SS. I believe that openers are difficult because of nervousness and saying the wrong thing. The best state to be in before you approach is one of indifference - If you don't care either way, nervousness will fade away. Think about it. Are you nervous around a friend, family member, a store clerk? Nope. Get over the idea of picking up the girl and instead think of it as making a new friend -- first (see reframing and OAU). Having said that, here are a few ways to break this ice:

1) Read Handwriting, Palms, Tarot Cards, Magic tricks etc. This method puts you in the showman's chair. You have center stage. It also places you on a pedestal of 'he knows something I don't'.
Curiosity and sometimes awe.

2) Laughter. Get her laughing, it is a positive way to let her guard down. Since laughter is universal, it creates Instant Rapport. RJ

3) Compliment her on something not-so-obvious. Pick a trait that is not something generic. Instead of 'you are so beautiful', say something like 'you know, you have an amazing eye for fashion', 'You have great eyelashes (girls love this one)'.

4) Question her about something on her person. Pick something that she is wearing, either it be clothes, jewerly, shoes etc. 'That is so interesting, where did you get that ring?' JF

5) Ask where something is. 'Do you know where the subway is?'

6) Pretend you know her from somewhere. 'Excuse me aren't you...Oh, I'm sorry. You really look like...'

7) Find something common in the surrounding environment. 'You know, I never noticed those pillars on that building before, did you?', 'Did you know the trains are running late?' DJ

8) Say 'hi' and just ask them how they are. This is a more gutsy approach. People are typically afraid of getting blanked, shut-down or a so-so reponse - so followup is important - 'don't feel like talking, huh? I know/see what you mean/how you feel' - you have paced her reality and mirrored her at the same time. This also sets up intrigue because she wants to know why YOU KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS! DJ

9) Train or bus. Pretend you don't know where you are going or how to get there. This is a great ice-breaker because people in general are helpful - this is one of my favourite, unassuming ways to develop a conversation. DJ

10) Candy for the ladies. I have always done this and still do it to a certain extent (usually during holidays when I have an extra amount of candy from my parents or friends). I bring some candies with me when I go out. Start eating them in front of girls and if they ask - offer one.

11) You looking at me?. I am sure everyone has had this experience. You are out at a club, restaurant, mall, coffee shop, school - heck, anyway where there are girls. You look over and see some cute girl looking at you. You think, 'ok, just a coincidence, she is just looking around'. Then again she is looking 'maybe just my imagination'. Over and over, you see her looking again, then again. This cannot be my imagination! You finally build up the courage to go over...

Me : I saw you looking over at me/in my direction and thought I would come up and say hi.
Her : Sorry, I wasn't looking at you/I thought you were someone else.

This is the kind of response I absolutely abhor. This is especially maddening when you know for a fact that she is bald-face lying to you. So what do you do? I have been working on something that I think might help:
Same situation
Me : I saw you looking over at me and I thought I would come up and chat with you.
Her : Sorry, I wasn't looking at you.
Me : Ok, fair enough. I just thought you might be someone that would be interested in meeting new people and exploring new challenges - in short, someone that I might want to meet. I guess I was wrong.

Now this is loaded! I puts her on the spot for a number of reasons. Is she someone that likes meeting new people? Does she like challenges? You also set yourself up as the prize and not the chaser - someone that I might want to meet.
You can end it with 'I guess I was wrong or am I wrong? If you perform the former, you should walk away, if the later - stay for the response.

12) How ya doing? What's your name? I learned this one from an old Pro. He is about 60 years old and still great with the ladies. If he sees a girl he wants to meet, he either walks by her or when she walks by him says 'How ya doing? What's your name?' He says this with a big smile and full of confidence. And guess what? He always gets a positive response. This is very similar to Handshaking. It is an unconscious response when someone sticks out their hands. We immediately take it (in North American culture at least). It is ingrained into our psyche (unconscious).